Why and how do I pray?

Nearly all of us will probably have prayed at some point in our lives.   A survey a few years ago stated that approximately ¾ of secular Britain pray at least once a week. My suspicion is that since that survey, the proportion has dropped, but it is still high.

A survey done in 1998 by the Teal trust showed that -

• 48% of Christians see private prayer as vital to their Christian life and faith.
• 64% of respondents claim to pray alone each day compared with 34% claiming to read the bible daily.
• 86% believe they have experienced prayer bring answered.
• 35% of respondents claim to spend an hour or more each week in private prayer.
• 39% pray regularly with other people.

Most people think of prayer in two ways.

Firstly, formal prayer; the saying of grace, formal prayers repeated as a congregation, the ’God bless Mummy, God bless Daddy, God bless teddy’ type prayer. When my Father was a child he was convinced that God’s name was Harold… (our Father in heaven, hallowed be thy name…)

The second type of prayer is the ‘crying out for help’ type of prayer. This is prayer that is driven by fear or pain.  I was always amazed at how my prayer life improved when I approached exams at University or school – but in all seriousness, for many a first real experience of prayer is during trials, suffering etc.

Relationship

The Bible speaks of prayer as a special part of our relationship with God. Prayer during times of fear, or formal prayers are fine, but the real purpose of prayer is to deepen our relationship with God.

“[a personal relationship with God is] something you have to work at, and I'm guilty constantly of just ignoring it. It's a bit like realising that you haven't rung your mum for a couple of weeks.”   Jack Dee

During the time my wife and I were going out I spent 6 months in Zambia. She wrote many letters to me. Imagine if I had never replied, responded or even referred to them again?  That would not have helped our relationship!

When we read the Bible we listen to God, when we pray we speak to God. The Christian life is a conversation… as we listen and speak we grow.

The first line of the Lord ’s Prayer – “Our Father who art it heaven” hints at this. ‘Our Father’. It is a cry to a Father who is personal, and wants to hear and listen. In fact prayer is totally wrapped up in the character of God and who he is – the Father.

In Matthew 6:5-8 we find that Jesus sees prayer in the secret private times. He wants to reward his children who depend on him through prayer, and he knows what we need!

It is also true that we can only pray through Jesus. It is his death that has allowed a repaired relationship with God again – so we pray in the name of Jesus. And as we pray God’s spirit helps us to pray – he helps us know we are his children.

The model of prayer we have just read about we see Jesus doing when we read the gospels. We often see him getting up early just for the purpose of finding some time when he can be on his own, without the clamor and business of life to pray to his Father.

And for us this is Christian spirituality. As we do this our inner being grows and develops as we engage personally with God in his word and in prayer.

Matthew 7:7-8 seems to suggest that whenever we pray God will always give us what we ask for. Is this true?

Some sayings of Jesus leave us with the impression that prayer is a little bit like rubbing Aladdin’s lamp. We get whatever we wish for. Some Christians suggest believing this is evidence of a higher plane of spirituality. This isn’t true – rather it is a chance to learn an important lesson about how to read and listen to the Bible. Often we treat the Bible like a graphic equalizer on a stereo system. We turn up the Bass because we like it and turn down the treble. We pick and choose how we hear what we hear. But it so important to listen to the Bible as a whole, and not just turn up the volume of one or two of your favourite verses to drown out the rest.

Sometimes prayer goes unanswered and we wonder why. Some possible reasons could be un-confessed sin, an unwillingness to forgive others and a willful disobedience. All of these can make prayer an empty and fruitless experience.

Also, our motives can be completely wrong:  Poet John Betjeman wrote -

Gracious Lord, oh bomb the Germans
Spare their women for Thy sake
And if that is not too easy
We will pardon Thy mistake
But, gracious Lord, whate'er shall be
Don't let anyone bomb me
- from Lady's Cry (1940)

The IRA plotted to kill the poet John Betjeman but called the gunmen off because they liked his poetry. (Guardian, April 2000) But this poem hints at a self motivation in prayer.

Let’s not just think about ourselves, what do I get out of this? Prayer can have a significant effect for those prayed for:

In late 2003, Debs Paterson was involved in a car crash which almost killed her. This quote is taken from her article “The day I nearly died,” [The Independent, September 2004] where she describes how the incident changed her outlook on life:

'As I came round to this new and horrible reality of Intensive Care and quite terrible pain and fear, hearing that friends were praying was a genuine balm. I felt as though I was in a huge storm with no umbrella, but was safe because a crowd of people were holding up theirs over me. In and out of consciousness, unable to communicate, I was trapped in my own corpse. And there is a remarkable clarity there as to what will and what won't sustain you … The resounding realisation that even with a loving family, incredible friends, achievements, accolades, adventures - in the end it's only my, myself and God .'

God might say yes, he may say no, he may say wait. If I am his servant, I will listen to him… if I am a spiritual brat I will complain and blame everyone else, and not take any responsibility for my own motivations and actions.

As John Stott has said, God will not give us things that are “not good in themselves, or not good for us or for others, directly or indirectly, immediately or ultimately.”

“God has not always answered my prayers. If he had, I would have married the wrong man – several times!” Ruth Graham

From my own experience, I know there have been many occasions when God has not given me what I asked for – and for most of those I am very grateful!

The simple mnemonic A.C.T.S. can be helpful.

Adoration – This is praising God for who he is and what he has done. Someone once said to me “concentrate on your problems and God gets smaller, concentrate on God and your problem gets smaller”. There is truth in this so we start by focusing on God. (Hint - reading a Psalm may help)

Confession – This is asking God’s forgiveness for anything that we have done wrong. When we begin by focusing on God we soon see how deficient and rebellious we are.

Thanksgiving – This is reflecting on all the good things God has given us and thanking him for them; for health, family, friends etc. (Hint – sit and write a list of all the good things you should be thankful for. It is a revealing and encouraging exercise)

Supplication – this is asking God for the things we need. This is an important part of prayer, but is often where we start. It should be a part of a balanced prayer life; praying for ourselves, for our friends, for others etc. (Hint – write these down and return to them later to see how God answers prayer)

These 4, slightly old fashioned words build on the great specimen-prayer Jesus gave us. We call it the Lord’s prayer, that we referred to earlier.

Matthew 6:9-13 is a really awesome prayer – just imagine how many millions of people have recited it in prayer and meant it, just as it is. Just from the point of view of the way this prayer has been used is fantastic. But imagine God hearing the same memorised prayer from you, day after day. That is not a relationship, is it? Jesus intended this as an example of how to pray, to shape and influence the way we pray.

• “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name” – We begin with God, and remember who he is and what he has done. Discipline yourself to start with God even when you really want to talk about yourself!
• “Your kingdom come, your will be done” – I may have an agenda for my prayers, but this is asking God to put his agenda on the table. It is reminding me that He is at the centre and I am in orbit around him. It is asking that the values of the kingdom spill over into my life, that we would be the kind of people He wants us to be.
• “Give us…” – is to do with our needs rather than our greed. God is interested in providing for our needs – everything comes from him!
• “Forgive us…” – we are asking for spiritual repair work to be done.

I am praying for the perpetrator of this killing and seeking God’s forgiveness for him – praying also that he may now seek God himself and find peace and forgiveness with him.”   Robin Oake – father of PC Stephen Oake killed 2003

• “Deliver us…” – we are asking for protection from further damage.

In all this you see that prayer is not complicated, it is just God-centred rather than me-centred. It is this that leads to spiritual growth.

· You can do it anywhere and anytime, you can talk to the Lord as you live your life.

· You can set times aside to pray and read the bible.

· You can pray with others